How I See Autism.

This is how I see it. GOD gave this special little boy to me. I accept him for all he is. Just as all my children.

Yes, I want to see recovery. Recovery to me is improvement, learning life skills and to function with others and make it on his own someday. Not to hand flap when he gets excited. Not to flail when we try to grab him when we need to stop him from doing something. To sit in school and really listen, understand, to perform.To learn. And truthfully not to get into everything he isn't supposed to. To use long sentences and to be able to share things with us that the girls were able to. To come on his own and say that he loves us, not just repeat it. But for now I am so blessed that he has come as far as he has.
I don't have the energy to place and find blame on the unknown. I pray that there will be continued research so that my son can hopefully be a last generation to be affected. There is so much research being done, yet so much more that needs to be done. There are days that talking about autism among other autism parents is like talking politics, or religion. It can be a touchy subject.
There are people who have different views than I on my child. A lot of people don't like their child being labeled. I don't either. But it's ok. He has a condition. It's called autism. Just like some children have ADHD, speech issues, a 6th finger. I mean really. We are all human. We all live and learn differently. I'm ok with who TJ is. Do I wish it were different? Yeah. But truthfully I only know TJ as who he has always been. He is harder, we have to watch him constantly, and we have to work really hard to see him succeed in the little things that most of us parent take for granted in our non effected children. He is about 2-3 years behind in several areas, yet he can blow us away with how smart he is. He hear things long before we do. Usually the quietest of sounds. He doesn't like to be softly touched but you can rough house him, wrestle and play and he is fine. He is who we know as TJ. We love him.

The girls have never known anything different that having a brother that is what they used to think was naughty, a handful, always bothering them, hitting him, crying,ruining their special things, etc... the list could go on and on, and on and on. Now we talk about why he is the way he is in a more positive way. We can talk about why the little things bother him, and why he is behind. It has brought our family of 6 closer together this past year.
As we went through our ups and downs and often sat at home just trying to process it all, somedays were good, feeling so positive and other days it was a struggle to not ask God "why us and why our little boy?" There were the first several nights after his diagnosis that we let him sleep in our bed and we cried together as we watched him sleep grieving what could, and maybe should have been a better future for him. The phone calls from school, the hyperness, lack of interest in important things, can't hardly catch a picture with him looking AND smiling, others talking, etc... Those really bad days are far and few but they were a reality.
Then there is the other end of it. Where you see and feel reality of a little boy who loves life and never worries about anything. He just has fun. He lives. He truly lives. And he can say bedtime prayers. We help him start and he repeats "Dear Jesus" after a long pause he can pray "my family" we then help him with specifics if he doesn't say them on his own. But he can pray, even if for a few things. He loves his Bible book at night and even is becoming familiar with the stories. GOD IS SO GOOD! He is drawing circles without all the scribbling, cutting along lines, using fine motor skills way better, and listening more and more each day. He is still retaining all his words. GOD IS SO GOOD! Did I tell you that he recognizes his name on paper. The "T" and the "J". I can't imagine him actually writing it someday. GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!!!
So today, World Autism Awareness Day and April being autism awareness month I choose to grow in my knowledge of how TJ's little brain works and to better parent him. And honestly to give myself (and Ron) a break. We often are so impatient. Leading us to end an evening so frustrated with ourselves there is little we can do but hope we forgive ourselves. But the reality is when we look at our FOUR children all unique with their own strengths and weaknesses, I realize how incredibley patient we really are.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THOSE WHO SHOWED SUPPORT to TJ, to Ron and I and our family personally in the past 48 hours. You are appreciated more than you know. More so for those of you who have been with us though it all. Being patient as life for the past 4 years have tested us in ways we will never be able to explain. You were there. And we love you for it. More than words could EVER say.
If TJ didn't have autism he wouldn't be exactly who he is. Although the "label" isn't fun, he totally is. And I choose to take it one moment at a time and embrace the children God gave me. No matter what label anyone puts on them. So how do I see autism? I see it like this. Like the kids in TJ's life said yesterday, "AUTISM ROCKS!" I would not choose it but we have it. And I think TJ ROCKS just the way he is. And part of who he is, is with autism. And I'm just fine with that.

God is so good!!!