Choosing to See

If you enjoy reading and if even if you don't YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK!!!!

I am not even sure what to say about the book. I rarely read magazines now days but for some odd reason I happened to get sucked up into purchasing a People's magazine a while back. I always look at the book section when I pass through the pages of lame gossip. I stopped as I recognized two strong Christian people on the cover of a book. I decided to read the details of Choosing to See. I knew I needed to read this book so I asked Ron if he would go online and see how much it was. He purchased it for me without a second thought. It came within a few days and I read it even quicker. The reality of their lives and that she can put feeling and situations into words for the world to see blew me away. Not only was she honest and spoke God's truth, she spoke truth of hurt, pain and the struggles in marriage, mothering, suffering and even with battling depression. I think it is amazing that someone so popular will speak up and be respected. I saw so much of myself in her. The hurts, anguish, and even the strength and the love of desiring Christ and a marriage based on God's Word.

This is just a book you have to read. I know that each and every woman I know would get so much out of it. You will go from hysterically laughing to sobbing from chapter to chapter.

One beautiful thing she does each chapter that I LOVED was she shares the songs that Steven Curtis, her husband, wrote. First of all the lyrics of his songs are beautiful to begin with. Second, after reading the personal family moments of highs and lows you see exactly the meaning behind each and every song he as ever written. I will never hear any one of his songs the same. I will probably find myself so moved by the emotions of his words on his wife, children, spiritual battle with suffering and longing to heal and feel that God carries us when troubles come and the incredible faith of God's grace which they have been eternally saved by. It is just beautiful. His lyrics, music, their love, and the reality of pain that we so desperately like to hide so we appear to "have it all together". We all have pain, hurt, burdens, things in our closets. It's okay to weep and hurt. It's okay to wonder why. It's okay to talk about it. When we open up to the battles we have, just as with the victories we have, we become very aware that we are never alone. Not only because of Christ, but because there is always others that are going through what we are as well.

The words of "Jesus will meet you there" hit me. As I know our hurt endured in the past few months is nothing of the sort they endured, but the words spoke to me. We have a beautiful little boy who God made perfect, but no matter who he is and what he has always been, to hear the words of a diagnosis from a dr in a children's hospital is a moment you never prepare for, especially when moments earlier you really though there is "just no way he will be on the spectrum after seeing some of the other kids there".

"When you think you've hit rock bottom and the bottom gives way

And you fall into a darkness No words can explain

You don't know you'll make it out alive

Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to wherever you are

He knows the way to the depths of your heart

He knows the way 'cause He's already been where you're going

Jesus will meet you there.

When you realize the dreams you've had for your child won't come true

JESUS WILL MEET YOU THERE!!!"

-words and music by Steven Curtis Chapman

All along in our journey with TJ, from the wonderful age of 13 months when we really knew something wasn't going right, I know now that Jesus was already here, where we are in this very moment. He will be there in the years to come, because he already has been there. He knows the love we have for helping him get better and he knows and will provide the love of family and friends who will help us along in this journey.

Another set of words that blessed me were from his song "Our God is in Control" written by both him and his wife.

"This is not how it should be

This is not how it could be

But this is how it is

And our God is in control.

This is not how it will be

When we finally SEE

We'll SEE with our own eyes

He was always in control.

This is not where we planned to be

When we started this journey

But this is where we are

And our God is in control.

Though first taste is bitter

There will be sweetness forever

When we finally taste and SEE

That our God is in control."

So I leave with this...... If you have any way to get this book- buy, borrow, check out, you MUST!!! If you have ever endured unspeakable loss of a loved one or a child entering the arms of Jesus, if you have a heart wrenching reality of a disabled child, if you battle panic, anxiety or depression, if you have ever hurt for a child going through a tough time, if you are friends or family who knows our God, this book is for you. I have never recommended a book with such force before. This book on it's reviews has received nothing less than 5 stars. Go enjoy this book.

With this I know God is good, He is great and I give my worries and hurt to HIM. I CHOOSE TO SEE all that He is blessing me with. I CHOOSE TO SEE that God specially picked out Ron and I , KK, Maddy B, Brookie to be Tj's loving family. HE knew that we would love him and break through with him and see through the things he cannot help, and believe in the things he will be able to do and overcome. He knew that although we don't always have the patience, that we have the ability to deal with all the things that come with autism spectrum disorders. I CHOOSE TO SEE that I am an extremely special mom that GOD chose to give this child to; for HIM to give me this boy to carry for 9 months, nurse, love and watch grow, endure the stress of seeing others his age pass him by in milestones and know that while I don't have it all together all the time that GOD IS IN CONTROL and I choose to see that GOOD CHOSE US for this special job.