Our church family is the BEST!

I have always known how wonderful our church family was. But today I had such wonderful people asking about the girls and school, and TJ. It was nice as I have totally pulled away from several avenues of possible and guaranteed support because of a few comments. I know that is not right. I have been stressed and upset and frankly, overwhelmed. But the other day I was blessed to have spoken with a new friend I met via face book. I have been criticized for being on FB but I don't mind. I socialize and keep in touch with family, old friends, childhood friends, current friends, and most excitingly, NEW friends. I have met some great people of autistic children. Some do biomed, some just do diets, some do therapies, some do vitamins and have rid their homes of all chemicals, some do all of the above. I am able to ask lots of questions and do tons of research with these new friends. One mom I spoke to the other day said something really profound as we shared stories and I shared about TJ and shared about my stress regarding the help, lack of help we are getting. From many avenues. I knew she very much understood all I was/am going through as a MOM. She was saying that God gave us these children to love and raise, to help and recover. We may not always want to do what it takes or feel we have what it takes, but God not only knew we could do it, and that we were the best people for the job, but that I would never in a million years trust anyone else to raise my son who is on the spectrum. Ron and I are the only ones who can do it. We have help from those who want to and are choosing to be a part of our lives. We are blessed. But for me, I had a total breakdown the other day. With that came a huge break through. Tj threw a huge fit, I got angry and yelled at him. He cried. He screamed. He kept crying and yelling things I didn't understand. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he wanted. He wouldn't show me he just screamed in anger. I lost it and cried. Whenever I cry he comes to me with a very sad and concerned look and hugs me. He did that briefly then threw another fit. I held onto him even though he was fighting to get away and we cried. And cried. After he relaxed I let him go and he ran to his room. I was upset but knew I only had one place to go. And I went. I turned fully to my God and gave it up to Him. I cant do this with just Ron, I, WE need Him. I have given a little over to God but not all of it. I trust that he really knows what he is doing but after the comments from my new friend, and this mini break through I was kinda waiting for, it finally happened. I needed to give this all up to God. TJ is safely in God's hands. With this came Saturday, followed by more fits but we had it renewed by fellowshipping with others that evening.

.......

Today we went to church which I haven't wanted to go for several reasons. But I am SO glad we did. Also last night we met up with some other couples and newly about to be married people from church and we had so much fun. We went to the kickoff last year too and sluffed off and never went to the fun nights after that. We vowed this year that we are going and paying for a sitter on those nights. After the great socializing last night it was easy to hit church up and face everyone regardless of TJ. He has been old enough for a year to sit in church and attend pre school Sunday school and also children's worship which takes place during service. I was told to try it out. Give him a chance and give others a chance to see TJ and learn about him. So we did. He sat with us in church and did great. He had is moments that overwhelmed me and I was a little embarrassed at first. He didn't sit still, was loud at times and kept messing with my hair, and other things. But he did ok. He even loudly said "amen" after Pastor Rob said it. He yelled once "grandma" and I am pretty sure everyone heard. But people complimented him and said he did good and it was all fine. It was reassuring to us that we can do this and as people get to know TJ they will understand more of what he needs and that he isn't just naughty. Some of the things he does he can't help. Next step via the suggestion of the pastor is that he try coming up front when all the little kids do before they walk out of service. I can't imagine that going well but we might try it then walk him to the nursery after, as he isn't quite ready for Sunday school or children's worship. Baby steps. And he did great this time. And the church family was incredible and supportive. I was reminded this weekend that we need our church. We are there for a purpose and they are supporting us. A good friend of mine, the pastors wife, even had some beautiful suggestions. I am hesitant to take her up on the offer but Ron and I think we should give her suggestion a try. It will not only bless TJ but us and the church as they learn to love and deal with a special needs child. Tj will not be the last, and honestly may not be the only one. But for now he is the only one we are aware of. I need to not worry about anything negative that has ever been said but of the good and helpful things. We are learning and overwhelmed, we have a fabulous church family waiting for us with open arms to love us and be here for us. I just need to let them.

Thank you to my church family.