Peace!

That is SO NOT the word I though would be the title of a post within days of having confirmed the suspicions we have had with TJ as having a Autism Spectrum Disorder. For 3 years I have been stressed out, overwhelmed and at times I was ready to walk away for a weekend without telling anyone. I love my husband, my girls and my son. They are all 5 blessings to me. But at times feeling so alone in parenting what I knew in my heart TJ was not a "typical" child. I knew something else was going on when he was just over one. I had many family, friends and even his Dr reassuring us that he is all boy and boys always are more active, talk later than girls, potty train later, and even develop later than girls and that "Oh he's fine! He's just all boy! He's just busy!" I recall several months back breaking down into tears at my in-laws house and admitting my most horrible thoughts. That I was struggling to love my son. He was SO much work, never listened, responded to me calling his name, asking him to stop, chasing him out the door, down the street, through parking lots, playing in water ALL day long (meaning sinks and toilets) Now it is the new found hose. This is such a teensie weensie list of the daily battles I have had with TJ. I let it all out and just said how I felt, how I felt most days. I felt SO alone as I watch family and friends kids younger than TJ develop past where he is and behave in such calm, happy manners. They interacted with other children, slept well at night, were learning when to push buttons, and pushing their limits WHILE understanding what they were doing. TJ did and still does very little of those things. I knew something was going on. I was blown off by most people. Which I totally understand why. I think I scared my FIL and MIL as Jim offered to start taking TJ on Tuesdays after speech for a while. This was a much welcomed and needed break. I was kid free, TJ free for a few hours extra. It wasn't a few weeks later his wonderful speech pathologist approached me with her concerns. And that is when this craziness journey began.

TJ's making so much progress since I felt those feelings. On top of that Ron is off for the summer and he has had his eyes open to the severity of TJ's behaviors, repetitiveness, etc... For the past few months things have been a huge mess and for the first time in a long time, years, I say I feel at total peace. As Ron said this evening we both feel like a million pound weight has been lifted off our backs. I am not really sure why but Tuesday hearing Tj was on the spectrum for autism was a little blow but mostly due to the questions we had to answer. But we were so relieved to have answers. Peace. We feel at peace. Even after answering hard questions. Questions we really hope to answer differently next year when he goes through the evaluation again to see his progress.

The diagnosis:
TJ is on the spectrum. Under this umbrella are several "labels". TJ was labeled PDD. Due to his developmental delay in all areas they will need to reevaluate in a year to get a more clear diagnosis. We were fine with how everything went. They suspect TJ has a sleep disorder. I would have to agree. He cries/whines every single night for an hour or two. We will be documenting the details from this point on. They suspect this could be due to reflux issues and we have no way of confirming if it is thru TJ because he doesn't tell/answer us. They diagnosed him with "global developmental delay" meaning he tested low in all areas. In a nutshell TJ is 45.5 months old but developmentally he is that of a 2 year old. In some areas even younger. So we need to remind ourselves to treat him as he is a 2 year old and no expect him to act like a 4 year old. This is a tough one for us because we all want out of the "terrible twos" and we have been stuck in them for 3 years now. TJ also was diagnosed with "Disruptive Behavior Disorder". This comes to no surprise as he lacks knowledge of danger and doesn't think of anything else around him. He is the only one that matters kind of thinking.

So whats next?
We make a lot of phone calls. He will hopefully be placed in a specialized pre school in the fall. We are looking into a few other therapies that will help with his sensory issues, motor skills and continue speech therapy. I just know that it's all going to be ok. They say that we still have time to get TJ the help he needs for him to improve. Our goal is to give TJ as much as we can, within a specified budget, doing as much or the rest at home, and to try new things as we see fit. Most of all we are to continue loving him and most of all BE PATIENT! He can't help some of the things he does and that he is behind. He isn't acting out to be irritating or because he is spoiled. Or even because he is naughty. Some things he does makes a little more sense now and we need o learn what is best for him. We will be learning as he will.

If you are reading this and you are someone who is close to us I suggest doing some research to get informed on why TJ may act the way he does. Not always but a lot of times. So you can read for yourself what things have been like, are like and may be like in the future. There are hopes that TJ will get better and lose his diagnosis. There is always a chance he will get a different diagnosis.

So that is our run down. It may not even make much sense. It's so late and I have been super distracted with TJ having his "crying time".
I will be writing more as things happen, thoughts come my way and as we learn more. As of now we are enjoying the peace and enjoying our children. We are taking time with them as they have been hit with this as well. It's a lot for them to learn and grow in knowledge that their brother isn't like their friends siblings. They don't seem to care and they love him as we do. But they haven't figured out to leave him a lone and that there is a reason he doesn't want to play or be touched or get very upset when watching a tv show and it goes to a commercial or while playing with a toy that batteries have to be changed. It is a lot! But as of now they are doing so good.

Thank you to the few of you who have sent and brought us meals when Tj had his surgery. Thank you to those sweet people who have taken our girls for sleepovers so they can be loved by many as well. Thank you to those of you who have taken TJ so we can take a breath without then turning to find out where he went. The littlest things like those are HUGE blessings. Thank you SO VERY MUCH!!! Thank you to our families who are trying to learn, as we are doing, so they can help understand TJ. Thank you most of all for your prayers. They were felt more than I can express.
God is awesome and I give that glory to HIM!! He made TJ perfect and for me to question why would be questioning God. God is love, God is grace, God is healer! God chose us to raise TJ. I have no more guilt for past feelings I have had towards TJ. I was and still will be at times overwhelmed but I love him and now understand that he isn't trying to be naughty.

I choose to submit to God's plan so that He can accomplish His purpose!